Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
