this beer tastes like vomit already
I checked into jail on foursquare
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
