positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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