i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
