So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
A bitchslap is in order.
Your penis caused this!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
