Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
