y did u give ur computer a hand job?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
barbara walters just said penis...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
