no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
