I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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