and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
