I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
