I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
