he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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