Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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