what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
