You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
