you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
