Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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