there's paper in my vomit.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
