A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
