She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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