Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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