Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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