I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize