I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize