I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize