I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
