Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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