I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
