ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
