I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
420 ftw
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
