I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
