Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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