It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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