Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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