I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
