girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize