just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
