You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
