My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
