I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
