am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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