How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
