well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
