Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
