Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
