he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
