I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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