I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Alive.
So much puke
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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