How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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