His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize