i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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