Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
