i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
