Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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