He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
