and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
