I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
