Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
please don't ironically join a cult
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