i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
