Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
