He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize