OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
