Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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