No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
