Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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