I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
