I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
