I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize