And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
