He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
