Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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