Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize