i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
