we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
