I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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